Jia Chang called me just now . I was crying throughout the conversation . I dont feel like talking so i ask him to put down the phone . My heart now ... the wounds are so much deeper now . Eversince Kin and my mother left me , my heart was so painful . Painful enough to make me have sleepness nights , unable to eat my meals properly ... and even crying in the middle of the night all alone . Just now , i've received a really great news to increase the wound and hurting .

How stupid and foolish can i be ? No matter what they said , its just a temporary sweet words which will never be kept as a promise . I talked to Jia Chang just now and i said i wanted to suicide ... to most of my friends they knew that i hate and discrimate people who suicide because i think its a foolish act . But now ... i might just join into that group . Im so tired of this ... plu always have to face this kind of experiece which is so hurting . Why cant i be the one who fooled and played others instead of being the opposite ones . Anyway , the person who did this is definitely not Jia Chang as he is always there for me . Someone who i think is real to me .